Saturday, January 18, 2014

The ghost in the machine

A friend of mine shared a funny anecdote with me the other day. I still can't forget it. She and her husband were enjoying their morning coffee together when out of the blue they heard this strange hum. They looked at each other, both perplexed.

"You shut off the alarm, didn't you?" she asked him.

He frowned, his head cocked toward the odd noise. "Of course."


They continued to stare at each other, both trying hard to pinpoint the source of the sound. Then her eyes popped open and with a yelp of embarrassment, she realized it was one of her personal toys. Racing upstairs to their bedroom, she yanked the drawer of his nightstand open and pulled out the closest at hand--the one that got the most action of late. It was silent.

She picked up another. Same thing. The third and fourth were also mum. By this time, they were both laughing.

He called up to her, "Can't you shut that damn thing off?"

She was frantically moving the duds around, giggling uncontrollably. "I would  if I could figure out which one of them is buzzing!"

As she shifted all the paraphernalia in their drawer, she took stock and had a bit of a shock. How many marital aids does one couple need? She had to toss aside numerous objects d'orgasm of varying colors, lengths, contours, and sizes before she located the humming culprit. The most surprising thing was, they hadn't used any of their collection in days, certainly not the one dancing a jig at the bottom of the drawer. That one almost never got to come out to play.

What set it off? Strange that out of the blue, with no one to twist the bottom to the on position--no one even slamming the drawer closed after a quick morning tickle, this one still went off all by its lonesome. She couldn't believe the batteries were any good after so long.

They never could come up with an explanation, and sadly, I couldn't offer anything plausible either when she asked for my take on the subject.

"Maybe dildos work in mysterious ways?" I suggested.

She was only mildly amused.

So I decided to write about this. I'd be interested to hear if this is an isolated incident or if others have had a similar experience. I learned something else while covering this subject. You can buy pretty much anything on Amazon. I typed in dildos and there were over 400 pages! Vibrators, not as many, but a startling selection nonetheless. There's an awful lot to discover in the adult toy market. I suppose. It's a huge industry.

The sad thing is, I discovered I've been paying too much for mine. Hmm.

Where's my new credit card?


  1. What a humorous piece. You and your friend must be close. Most women don't discuss their toys.

    1. Unless you attend the same parties. ;)

  2. Very funny! A friend of mine had a similar experience but it was at an international airport where they were opening luggage...yep, it went off all on its own and she had to stand by while they searched her bag for the weapon of mass orgasm!!

    1. OMG! I'm laughing so hard right now. That would be a nightmare. I always take out the batteries. You never know. ;)