Sex on the Beach

Beaches and romance go hand in hand. Warm sand, golden sun, and crashing, pounding, exhilarating waves that go on and on until you can't take it anymore and there's nothing left to do but drop off to sleep and rest up before going back in again.

But I digress.

We all know how settings can suggest things to us. Add half-naked or all-naked damp bodies into the mix, and well, is it any wonder people's minds automatically slip into, From Here To Eternity scenarios?  I don't think so.

Having taken a couple of romantic vacations to beautiful beaches with my husband, I can say for certain that this picture here, as hot as it might look, isn't as much fun in reality. Sand gets everywhere and you can't do a thing about it. However, there are alternatives.

While lounging on the beach, drinks at our elbows, books in hand, and a big floppy hat on my head, we noticed a nice young couple wading into the ocean, hand in hand, just down the shore from us. There was no doubt in our minds what transpired in that water. I don't know how this guy kept his feet under him with the waves constantly rolling into them, but I have to say, it was impressive. I think, if you can manage it, that would be a far less problematic option.  If this is something you really want to try, just be sure your partner isn't afraid to venture into the water past her hips.

Yep, I nixed the hubster's playful suggestion, even if the raised eyebrows were kinda cute. Why?  This is going to sound crazy because I love the ocean;  the smell, the sound, the vast and wonderful look of it.  I just fear the water, that's all.  I'm not a strong swimmer to begin with so as soon as I feel the ground disappear under my feet, I freak out and start hearing the theme from Jaws in my head.  I know there's a shark looking for me, even in a lake or pool.  I have one of the James Bond movies to thank for making me afraid of pools.

Really appreciate that guys!

I've been told I get a look of outright panic and sheer terror on my face when I'm in the water. I can join the laughter about that, after I'm back on land or in the boat.  Only then can I truly appreciate the ridiculousness of my situation.  I'm a coward. I admit it. I have to be within grabbing distance of my husband every second. Mostly I just cling to him.  I've even climbed his body like Karen Allen scaling Harrison Ford in Raider's of the Lost Ark. Sometimes you just have to get as far away as you can from asps -- or water.

Yet, I'm looking at pictures, fantasizing about our next trip, wondering where to go for our next beach vacation. With a hard winter still holding us in its clutches and freezing rain coming down, the Virgin Islands are looking pretty good right about now.

I should really start looking for a new bathing suit.

- Tara Mills