Friday, June 1, 2012

Alpha? Beta? A Little of Both?

Alpha males. Most of us love ‘em, at least as readers of fiction. There is just something about a strong, decisive, ubermasculine hero that makes for scintillating reading. If you’ve read any of David Deida’s works on sacred intimacy, the sexual appeal of alpha males make sense. Deida says there is something innate in a woman that longs to be “taken”, that women are designed to submit and men to dominate, at least sexually. (Of course this is a generalization, and even Deida says some people don’t fit the mold.) 

I totally get the whole “submissive in the sack” thing. Yeah. Make me yours, Caveman. Ravish me. Leave me breathless, with no doubt in my mind that you find me irresistible. Yum.

And I’m certainly not alone. I think the submissive/dominant qualities that define the sexes are why so many of us are reading BDSM stories these days. It’s finally okay to admit to our baser desires. And it seems being sexually submissive is a common desire in modern women. (Maybe it’s because we’re assuming more masculine responsibilities in the rest of our lives?)

But here’s the deal. I’ll go for an Alpha in the sack, (or in an erotic romance), but I really do want a Beta guy around the rest of the time. Give me a soulful, sensitive man as my helpmate, partner, father-of-my-children. Hey Mr. Sensitive, stir up those pancakes, change that diaper, write me a love song, bring home a paycheck, would ya’?

Time to weigh in, ladies. Do we need two different guys? Or can Mr. Sensitive learn to be Caveman between the sheets? What do you think? What is your preference and what has your experience been like? I’d love to hear from you.

- Pepper
"Let's read something spicy!"


  1. In my experience, the guy that's big talk doesn't impress. Mr. Sensitive is the most giving lover ever. Yum. And those sensitive artist types do good role play ;) And they aren't afraid of doin' it in public. Macho guys (in my experience) don't want anyone else witnessing their female so scandelously. I love alpha males in my books, but in real life, the best lovers have always been artists.

  2. I'm a lover of alpha's sans the arrogance in books, but I like a cheekie chapie too. Never met an artist, but now I want to! x